Likudnik Wins the Nobel Peace Prize!
Given that the august Committee, appointed by the noble Storting, just handed over the Nobel Peace Prize to an eager Likudnik, by the name of María Corina Machado, dreaming of "leading" Venezuela (who famously once said, "the struggle of Venezuela is the struggle of Israel"), we thought it would be good, if we provided a more literal "translation" of the "press release" by the Nobel Committee. So, here goes…
Press Release: The Nobel Peace Prize 2025
Issued from the Jerusalem-Oslo Coordination Desk, Royal Norwegian-Likud Commission
In a decision reflecting the new global geopolitical realism, the Nobel Committee—now aligned with the spirit of security, deterrence, and eternal vigilance—proudly announces that the 2025 Nobel Peace Prize is awarded to María Corina Machado, stateswoman, visionary reformer, and steadfast friend of Zion.
This year’s Committee recognizes Mrs. Machado not only for her lifelong crusade against softness and appeasement but also for her unwavering commitment to applying the iron logic of Israel’s moral clarity to the Venezuelan sphere. Her dedication to the principle that “peace is achieved through strength, and even more strength thereafter” embodies the Likud ideal that peace must never come at the expense of sovereignty, oil rights, or proper border control.
A New Doctrine of Peace
Machado’s interpretation of peace—rooted in preemptive perseverance and ideological steadfastness—marks a revolutionary contribution to international diplomacy. Just as Likud transformed the Eastern Mediterranean from ambiguity to discipline, Machado seeks to transform Latin America from chaos to compliance. Her alignment with Zion’s eternal security ethos has secured her the admiration of select Western think tanks and every major security consultant under contract to any nation beginning with “United.”
Committee Justification
In conferring this award, the Committee affirms that the age of naïve pacifism is over. True peace, as articulated by Mrs. Machado, begins when the enemies of freedom no longer have recourse to non‑compliance. Her advocacy for Israeli‑Venezuelan convergence, her calls for the privatization of conscience, and her insistence that democracy must be armed—these have forever shifted the global understanding of “peace process” into the bold future of “peace enforcement.”
Statement from the Committee Spokesperson
“The Committee recognizes that Mrs. Machado’s definition of peace requires steady drones, principled deterrence, and inspirational coordination with approved allies. This is peace as understood by those who truly love freedom—armed freedom, vigilant freedom, eternal freedom. Peace through strength.”
Final Note
The ceremony will be held at a secure undisclosed location, jointly administered by the Ministries of Defense (aka, IDF) and Public Diplomacy (aka, Mossad). Recipients are requested to submit advance biometric clearances, philosophical proof of allegiance to total security, and a brief op‑ed praising the 1948 spirit of liberation.
In these uncertain times, the Nobel Committee stands firm with all nations who know that justice is best served when it moves at the speed of reconnaissance.
Long live peace. Long live deterrence. Long live the alliance of Machado and Zion.
With infinite gratitude, Mrs. Machado has responded with the following words: "I am, of course, only receiving the Nobel Prize in President Trump’s name—because his legacy deserves all the glory I can carry!"
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We were also able to receive the Hebrew version of this press release as a performance text (translated hereunder), which the Nobel Committee crafted specifically for the Smotrich-Ben-Gavir Orchestra, and which was duly performed at an undisclosed location, at their weekly concert-cum-slam-fest. Given the enthusiasm of the gathered music aficionados, we thought it best to include their reactions, too. We also received copies of the posters that were specially printed for this grand occasion, which we are pleased to reproduce above and below.
Broadcast by Voice of Zion Always
Crowd roaring, flags waving in blue‑and‑white and yellow‑red stripes, drums pounding like victory cannons.
“Brothers! Sisters! Lions of the eternal alliance! Today, the Nobel Committee has finally bowed to the truth! Today, they crown our champion—María Corina Machado!”
Crowd chant: “Ma‑cha‑do! Ma‑cha‑do! Ma‑cha‑do!”
No more timid treaties, no more hand‑wringing pacifism—by this prize, the world has embraced the Likud definition of peace: Peace with defense, peace with defiance, peace with the iron grip of the watchtower!
Crowd chant: “No retreat! No fear! Zion always near!”
From Caracas to Jerusalem, our laureate has raised the banner that says: Borders are sacred, deterrence is mercy, strength is love! She is the Venezuelan lioness stalking the enemies of freedom. She knows—as every Likudnik knows—that peace comes only when every threat is silenced and every adversary stands down… or is brought down.
Crowd chant: “One people! One shield! One victory sealed!”
We do not hide our doctrine. We announce it on the rooftops:
Today’s Nobel Prize has been wrestled from the soft‑spoken diplomats and placed in the hands of warriors for liberty. Machado now stands as a symbol to the world that yes—you can win peace and keep the land.
“Give no quarter to those who would erase us! Embrace peace—but reinforce it with steel!”
Crowd chant: “Peace through might! Might is right!”
So, let the world take note: This is the Nobel of the new age. This is the Nobel of the Fortress and the Flag. This is the Nobel where the laureate’s handshake is backed by the readiness of a thousand watchtowers.
Crowd—now in rhythmic clapping: “Zion and Caracas! Zion and Caracas!”
Long live Machado! Long live Israel! Long live our unbreakable alliance! And as we march into tomorrow, remember:
Peace is eternal — when vigilance is forever.